Mistakes
by Tara Tragedy
Summary: Leader is so smart. I mean, using Hidan as the dummy for a dangerous experiment? Pure genius! As a result, Hidan and Kakuzu become closer together. Perhaps a little too close... -Cussing, Violence- Eventual KakuHida & eventual Mpreg to go with it! Yayz.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, I got bored with my first story :/ Not sure if I'll continue, but anyways, yeah. NEW STOREH fer yews 8D! -cough- .. o.o My bad. I just like, chugged a tall glass of chocolate milk *-* Uhm, beware of Hidan's colorful vocabulary. *totallynotspazzingoutovertheverymentionofhidan* ^^" And.. Akatsuki is given a bad name in this thingy xD OOC!KISAME oO...**

**Disclaimer: Uh. I don't own shit. If I did, it's almost guaranteed that Asuma's fire attack would've burned off all of Hidan's clothing :3 -shot-**

* * *

Choices - there are many we all have to make each and every day. Like, getting out of bed in the morning, for instance, or going to work. If you don't decide, who will? No one. In the end, we're all alone. Sure, some people do have somebody to choose what they believe is best for said person, but who really knows what the finest option is? Again, no one. The future can be drastically changed by just one little screw up or accidental selection. Who is to blame? The stupid retard that fucked everything up!

--

Hidan sighed unhappily; toilet-duty had always been his least favorite chore. But if he went against Leader's 'new and improved' chore-wheel, the immortal would find himself scrubbing bowl stains everyday, for the rest of his life. And that was nearly forever.

His hand slipped from the lid and onto the under part of the seat. "Ew! Fucking nasty!!" Hidan whined angrily. Why couldn't Kakuzu take over for him? That bastard was the best at the art of toilet maintenance. Yeah, the tank springs a leak and good ol' Kakuzu sticks a nice band-aid on there. Good as new. Fucker.

Hidan carelessly dumped a few cups of bleach into the toilet water. It didn't matter, his partner had his own jobs to attend to, and couldn't help out even if he wanted to. Being treasurer meant keeping constant track of the finance records that certain _immortals_ crumpled up and threw on the floor earlier that morning (and they were in alphabetical order, too!). Of course that's not even half as bad as the time when Hidan lost Itachi's wallet on the way to the concession stand. When Uchiha was through with him, Hidan was scared shitless. He became some sort of paranoid hermit, only leaving his room to grab a pack of gummy bears every couple of hours. Akatsuki officially ran out of adult diapers that week.

Regardless, somebody else should have been subjected to this torture. Hidan could think of at least fifty things he'd rather be doing instead of cleaning the organization's one toilet. Letting Kakuzu rape him fell last on that list. His partner was the only person that he hated more than Leader. All Kakuzu cared about was money – making money, touching money, collecting money; hell, maybe even fucking money! Money, money, money. That was it. Hidan wants to talk? Oh, sorry, counting my money. Oh, what's that? Hidan's head was chopped off again? Hm, hang on; I gotta finish sorting my money before I do anything else.

"Asshole!" His clenched fist struck the wall.

"Crazy, un…" Blonde hair swept past the open doorway. He growled, sort of wishing that he could make Deidara into a nice sacrifice for his god. Of course, he would never hear the end of it if he actually did so. Hidan had recently decided that joining Akatsuki was one of the worst ideas he'd ever had. The food sucks, everyone was messy, and the hideout always smelled of wet dog and crack. There were dirty boxers lying about on the goddamn kitchen floor! For Jashin's sake, the cleanest room in the place was he and Kakuzu's.

The immortal brought the brush forcefully across the sides of the toilet bowl. He scrubbed as fast as he possibly could without getting sprayed in the face, which would totally suck. That was the last thing he wanted to happen, as he took a shower just before beginning his chore, obviously a mistake on his part. But it was only about 8am, so who could blame him? When you're so used to being covered in filth (i.e., blood) it can be hard to kick the habit of overbathing.

"Hidan!" a familiar and, _annoying_ voice shouted from the kitchen. "Hey, hey, Hidan, we made breakfast! Hurry up before Zetsu-kun eats it all~!" Zetsu? Why would that guy want cereal…? Unless… there wasn't Frosted Flakes for breakfast today! Hidan smirked excitedly and washed up – no way in hell was he gonna eat with shit-crumbs on his hands!

An appetizing scent filled the air. It was… beef? No, no; couldn't be that! It had to be, hm, pork. Bacon! He hadn't had those succulent strips of pig meat since his tenth birthday, as a treat.

--

[]

_He sighed heavily, bringing a hand to push the sweaty silver strands of hair from his face. Even on such a special occasion, the boy wouldn't let his potential training time go to waste. His older brother casually munched on an apple before him, tossing around the prospect of playing tag outside before Mom called Hidan in for a bath. But Hidan only sighed again, "I'm too tired to fuck with you right now!"_

_Kiraki gaped at the 10-year-old. "Hidan-kun! I thought Mother told you to stop cussing…" He would have answered with something painfully sarcastic had it not been for his childhood habit of daydreaming. In his head, Hidan pictured a warm campfire in the center of the dark woods. Kiraki was dangling from Hidan's pike over the fire with Hidan himself laughing crazily. People used to tell him he'd contracted ADD from when his mother briefly smoked pot in the earliest months of pregnancy, but Hidan wouldn't let that stop him from being less than enthusiastic about anything that didn't involve death or injury._

_"K-Kira, whatever. I don't give a—"_

_"Dude! Stop freakin' callin' me 'Kira'! I'm not weird like you, man… I like life and think that it's a wonderful opportunity to succeed. You know – family, money, fast cars and hot chicks, all that jazz. We can trade names if you want." Maybe Kiraki was right. Hidan's elected reason for living was the exact opposite of that – death. Kiki-chan was a shy boy of age fifteen while his little brother was a maniac bent on murder and destruction. Something was really wrong with that picture._

[]

--

Hidan shook the irrelevant memories from his head and let the greasy smell waft back into his nose. It was refreshing to finally have something up there other than cocaine for a change… The other members of Akatsuki were all druggies, but Hidan had morals, believe it or not. And whenever his buddies weren't pelting each other with meth, he sat in his room praying for some form of forgiveness.

It wasn't easy watching four other people tweak out during dinner. Spitballs, noogies, wedgies, wet-willies; seriously, it was like living with a class of kindergarteners. Worst of all was the hysterical cackling that came from their mouths. Kakuzu and Hidan not only had to put up with skull-crushing headaches, but they were also basically the only two that still went on missions anymore. It was sort of pathetic.

"Hidan-san, hi~! Come sit next to me~!!3" Tobi cried happily upon Hidan's entrance into the kitchen. The immortal shot him a deep glare before heading straight for his prize – bacon. Kakuzu said nothing. He was somewhat content in observing Deidara hit Tobi, Tobi stumble over to Kisame, and Kisame honor Tobi with a very feminine hug. Kakuzu chuckled, it wasn't everyday that you saw two S-ranked criminals embrace one another. Well… maybe it was in Akatsuki.

"What the hell! Which one of you fuck-faces ate the last bacon piece?!" All members inched back a step from Hidan. Some exchanged worried glances; others, and by 'others' I mean Tobi, wet themselves and fled the kitchen sniveling like a baby. It was never a good idea to anger Hidan… especially when you came between him and his food.

--

"Oi, Hidan! Haha, you see that funny-ass show about the monkey eating bowling pins earlier?" Kisame grinned widely, "I tell ya, most hilarious thing I've ever seen. Er, aside from your face I mean! OHH, I'm just kiddin' man, heh."

Hidan set his comb down on the counter and turned away from the mirror, toward Kisame. They had both just come out of the showers, and the air was cold in the communal locker room. Blue skin was speckled with bumps as the drafts blew past them. "Ah," the immortal said. "That was really lame. I couldn't even last five minutes watching that shit! My eyes would've fucking disintegrated, seriously." He gripped the towel that hung around his waist and tied it tighter; hearing the other's shocked gasp.

"Really?! Shit, dude, I totally thought you'd a' liked it. Okay, okay. How 'bout that old man with the talking jetpack named Steve? You have to admit that that one was kinda funny!" Kisame's eyes darted across the huge mirror that took up the entire wall above the sinks. He stepped next to his friend and watched silently as the immortal resumed grooming himself. Hidan chuckled darkly.

"I'd rate that one about seven and a half, ass-crack. It was interesting enough to watch, but not exciting enough to keep me awake all night. My favorite was definitely the cartoon about why dogs don't have thumbs because if they did they would start a mass-war with all the cats. Ha, that would be one mess even Zetsu couldn't fully clean up."

"Yeah, I guess. I still think that old dude was the bomb, though!" Kisame announced, flicking water from his hands into his friend's face.

Hidan growled in response. He wasn't really in the mood to deal with Kisame's antics at the moment. Sadly, for the blue-skinned male, Hidan's hand lost its supply of discipline feeding in from its owner's brain. The slap that came next was quite loud.

"Ouch man! That sorta hurt… Ow!" Kisame whined quietly while gently rubbing the reddened skin of his cheek.

Guilt was one emotion that the immortal rarely ever felt. And right now was not an exception. Hidan merely sneered and carried on with his hair. He put the comb down once more and took a second towel to dry his silvery locks before gel was slopped on. "I think you deserved it."

--

Throughout the remainder of the day, the news of Kisame's bitch-slap had traveled all around the hideout. Some poked fun at Hidan for overreacting and using such a gay way to show his authority. Others criticized the other's lack therefore of. But either way, the additional members at least had something to laugh at other than the poisonous fumes engorging their brains.

"H-Haha—Hidan, dude, un. That was sooo dumb!! Boy, oh b-boy," Deidara snorted, punching Tobi in the arm. His slurred speech could only point to one thing – Kakuzu would be kicking the crap out of him later. Hidan smirked lightly at the thought. Dei's throat crushing closed due to the strength of those damn black threads, a fate rarely suffered by someone as crafty as he was. No, this time Kakuzu would catch the bitch. He would make sure of it.

"Fuck, put a cock in it you whore," Hidan whined, wrapping the pillow around his ears. That blonde bitch would be the end of him; he swore it.

"Please. Tobi, pass the kettle-corn. Almost done?" Oh how quickly the little bastard could compose himself.

"Yes, senpai!" Tobi nodded gleefully, setting down the bottle of nail polish. "Oh dear, Hidan-san seems to have finished all the popcorn. But don't worry senpai, Tobi will make more!" And with that, the childish man pranced out of the room. Leaving two enemies to go at each other without an interceptor.

Hidan let out a painfully long groan. It was like this every Sunday night – he would be holed up in Deidara and Tobi's room for some gay party while the others watched the sports channel in the living room. He was more than man-enough to join, dammit! But Itachi wouldn't have any of it. From seven o'clock to noon the next day he would do nothing but read on his bed. Porn, Hidan guessed.

"Hidan-chan, come, let me paint your toenails. It'll be fun!" The immortal slammed his head back down on the pillows and raised a middle finger in Deidara's direction. "Fine then. Good ol' Dei-Dei will hafta bring the fun to you, un."

A clatter was heard down on the floor as the blonde scooped his collection of colors into their box. He then picked it up and sat himself at his victim's feet. Hidan could feel a rough towel being pulled under his heels in place of the spongy pink comforter and sighed ruefully. What a mistake he'd made in being born.

Or perhaps if he just hadn't joined Akatsuki. Then he surely wouldn't be lying on a flowery bed sheet, about to be seized by a man that wanted to give him something that he didn't wish to receive. Or… would he? Maybe, but in a different sense.

"Fuck off! How come you never fucking listen to what I—"

"Senpai! I popped the corn for you! It tastes… tasty!" Tobi slid some popcorn under his mask and the sounds of noisy munching filled the room. "Hidan-san," he said with a full mouth, "try some! It's delish~!!"

Said immortal grabbed at the bag of potato chips leaning against the bed. He missed several times, anger intensifying with each fumble until finally his fingertips met the greasy walls inside. "I don't want any more of that shitty kettle corn, dickhead. I'm fuckin' bored outta my goddamned mind over here!" He suddenly noticed that Deidara had been silent. But it was all too late – cold polish began soaking his nails.

"Ha! Gotcha, yeah." The blonde chirped. His palm-mouths smiled and flicked their tongues happily at Hidan, who was cussing up a storm about how much he wanted to rip out his own intestines and choke the Iwa-nin with them.

Hidan was fed up. He joined only about a year ago and these stupid 'parties' started almost immediately. Apparently, he came off as 'fun-loving'. At first they were actually sorta cool, back in the days when everybody wanted to guide him into the world of heavy drinking. They seemed almost stunned by the fact that he'd never even tried drinking before he reached twenty-one. S-Ranked criminal or not, Hidan did not sin.

_Unless he was properly persuaded. _

The memories of his first hangover would follow him until his dying day. It was noon when he finally persuaded himself to get out of bed and have breakfast. Kakuzu was gone; probably discussing the funds with Leader. Hidan's head felt as if it were about to explode, his eyes like they would shrivel up, and worst of all: his stomach. Alcohol sloshed around whenever he moved and the feeling was near unbearable.

--

**Ahah. Congrats to anyone that's seen this on dA as well. I'll be updating soon I PROMISE. D: Gimme yer opinion on this dumbass pile o' crapple sauce :P**


	2. Chapter 2

**Yaaaayyyy... ch. tewww :D uhmz, its sorta iffy guys xD you'll probably see why I was hesitant to update with this... Sooooo, tell me what yew think ^^ Yaoi coming next chapter :O Hold onto yer asses x3**

**Disclaimer: Naruto - Hidan, Kakuzu, Akatsuki © Kishimoto; Shrine devoted to KakuHida under bed © Me. XD**

* * *

Hours passed, and Hidan found himself chipping away the baby-blue polish. Deidara protested, but eventually gave up after Tobi offered to give him a facial. Oh, how Hidan _loathed_ the gayness. It tore at his very soul until nothing but a wavering sliver was left. The only cure: sports! He flung himself off of Tobi's bed and sulked down the hall. The two effeminate males called after him, promising popcorn upon his return, but he continued on his quest to masculinity. Finally, away from all things pink, Hidan entered the thunderous room of **real** men. Pain often invited members of his old gang to the base to join in on these 'kick-ass' gatherings, and tonight, there were about twenty-three people in the one room. Arm wrestling, poker and beer pong were being played. Fresh pizza sat on the table, still in its box, and Hidan wondered if heaven was similar to this. Kakuzu sent him a glare from across the room. All he needed was Leader's 'ok'.

"Hidan."

He jumped at the sound of Pain's voice. Harsh and unforgiving, it was the very blare that kept Akatsuki together. "Y-Yes?" Damn, caught.

"Come, we must speak in private. It is most serious."

Success! He was in now, for sure!

--

Hidan was led down the long hallway that ended up outside a large door labeled 'LEADER'. Pain lightly pushed the reluctant immortal through the passage. It was an office, and to his amusement, many papers were all stacked up in several piles atop the desk. It was similar to Kakuzu's small workplace that adjoined their room. Hidan gulped; he'd only been here once before, when he joined. The cold room still brought shivers up his spine.

"So… uh, what did you want to talk about?" Hidan asked, hope evident in his quivering voice.

"I am merely going to assess your current condition."

"You're gonna _check me out_?!"

"I'm not in the mood for games, Hidan. Just remove your cloak and shut up."

Cussing under his breath, he followed orders. All members of Akatsuki knew the fate of the poor bastard who chose to disrespect the leader. It was indeed not pretty. "How long's this goin' 'a take, pal? 'Cuz I wanna go join that party…"

Leader disregarded his words. He stalked over and began looking Hidan up and down, turning him by the arms occasionally. The satisfied expression plastered on Pain's face had the immortal more than just a little worried.

"Uh. What the hell! I'm not gay, you dumbass! Shit, I know I'm sexy, but fu—…" Chakra ignited in Pain's hand after he mumbled something to himself, and Hidan was silenced instantly by a swift, open-hand punch to his abdomen. "_UGH_!" He collapsed at his Leader's feet.

A deep chuckle bounced off the walls and the dark figure left his victim alone in the dark.

--

"Kakuzu."

The masked-nin shuddered, but turned all the same. "Yes, Leader-sama?"

Pain smirked, "Please gather your partner from my office. He seems to have fallen unconscious during our conversation."

Inside, Kakuzu wanted to laugh – it wasn't often that Hidan just collapsed out of the blue. Maybe now was a good time to get him back for taking two dollars out of the emergency funds to buy a bottle of strawberry scented gel. "Yes, sir."

They nodded to each other, and leader relocated to another room in the hideout. Kakuzu sighed. He needed coffee, but at the moment, the budget wouldn't allow any extra splurging. He almost wanted to curse himself for buying those new towels for the locker room, but they were desperately needed, especially after Hidan used the old ones to wipe down his bleeding wounds after a ritual.

Finally he gathered up the patience needed to deal with his partner and trudged down the hall. Nothing smelled bloody, fruity or sweaty – all familiar scents that clung to Hidan – so Kakuzu wondered if he was even still there. The door was shut tight, and anyone else who actually cared about their accomplice would have been concerned for his or her safety. But not Kakuzu. No, never Kakuzu.

--

Hidan could hear the knob turn. He opened his eyes slightly and tried to stand. "Ahh! Fuck!" A big purple bruise stared up him, smarting under his fingertips.

"Get up," Kakuzu said suddenly, "Why are you on the floor?" The immortal winced and again attempted to stand.

"Damn it!" Hidan rubbed at his stomach grudgingly. He could hear Kakuzu sigh behind him.

"Hurry up," the other man told him, gripping his partner's wrist and pulling upward. Hidan couldn't help but slightly lean into Kakuzu. This bruise was totally impairing his ability to walk.

--

"I don't see why you're obsessing over that. It's not like it'll be there for more than a few hours."

"Fuck you, Kakuzu!" Hidan was leaning on his bed glaring at his stitched partner. "It fuckin' hurts!"

"Well, it's true. I envy you for that – no matter what happens, you will never have to look at your own ugly scars. Your skin is a bit pale though… More so than usual."

The Taki-nin groaned to himself in anguish, eyes tracing the hundreds of stitches lining his arms.

A cry from Hidan brought up his gaze. The immortal had pressed too hard on his front and was now stifling small tears. Did it really hurt _that_ bad? Hidan was incredibly tough and pain-resistant! Maybe this was some sort of weakness of his.

"Hidan? …Are you alright?" Kakuzu asked in his sweetest tone (which really wasn't all that sweet). He could hear the sniffles issuing from the opposite side of the room, but when he looked his partner was nowhere to be seen.

"…Just leave me alone…"

Akatsuki's treasurer stood at this, searching for the trembling voice. Hidan was lying on his back behind his bed, face red from the intense pain running through his body.

In all the 'fun-filled' months of partnership, Kakuzu had never seen him like this. Not even show any small hints of weakness. He had believed him to be indestructible.

"What is the matter? Hidan, you're kind of scaring me…"

Hidan unclenched his teeth and a strangled sound escaped. "I-I… Ka-…kuzu—Oh Jashin, it hurts so fucking bad!!" He yelled, throwing his head back on the floor in desperation.

This was quite amusing. And not in a good way. No, a horribly awkward, delicate way, the Taki-nin decided. Had Hidan been mortal, Kakuzu would've sprung into action and rushed him to Leader's office. But he was _**im**_mortal. Nothing really mattered; no injury could kill such a man. That being the case, why was Kakuzu worried for a person who did nothing but insult and offend him and could not die?

"I-It feels like my guts are bein' ripped out, dammit! Oww, oww, FUCK," he paused to cringe, "put me... in my bed, eh, Kakuzu...-chan?" His small smile faltered and died under another wave of pain. The sight certainly didn't deserve one in return. Not that anyone could ever tell whether or not Kakuzu was even grinning stupidly, or retaining his composure as always.

--

Hours had passed. Even the lucky box of coins he kept under his bed couldn't cheer Kakuzu up. Not as long as he sat on his bed, head turned to stare thoughtfully at Hidan's sleeping, squirming form. It's a wonder he was even able to fall asleep like that.

Pain walked into their room with a casual smirk on his face. "Kakuzu, how is Hidan doing at this time?"

The stitched nin sighed. "I don't know. He's been out for almost five hours now. I'm starting to worry."

Leader flicked a strand of hair from the unconscious man's face and smiled to himself. His hand trailed down to Hidan's abdomen and swept across it gently for a few moments. "He appears to be in a lot of pain. What do you suppose should be done?"

"I'm unsure. A heating pad might work… to bring down the swelling." Kakuzu mused aloud.

Hidan's eyes shot open in an instant, as if hearing the conversation, whose entirety was about him. He growled after realizing that Pain had been touching him previously.

"You bastard..!" He spat.

Kakuzu then breathed a sigh of relief. Now, he knew Hidan was at least a tad bit better.

"Hm? Hidan, I would not speak to me in such a way."

The immortal threw off the covers with a frustrated groan and looked down at his body in disbelief. The bruise – the pain – was gone, but that's not what took him by surprise.

"Hidan, you're bleeding. And on the fresh bed sheets! Those cost money to clean, you know!"

Leader glanced down at the mess lying in front of Hidan, eyes widening somewhat.  
"...Success," he mumbled almost inaudibly and decided to take his leave.

-

**Kakuzu**

I watched as his face started to pale with what looked like worry. He stood quickly, cloak tugged across his legs, making his way out the door. I walked after him. He seemed to be in a hurry or something.

"Hidan? Where the hell are you going? I can fix—"

He froze with a yelp. I doubt he knew that I was even there. "What—" he said, turning around, "K-Kakuzu…! Uh, what're…? F-Fuck off!!" His hands released the hold on his robe to send obscene gestures my way, and it was then that I was able to see his reason for fleeing. It was unclear, just a splotch of red positioned awkwardly below his waist.

"…Are you okay?" Hidan flinched at my words. He abruptly realizes that I am staring and yells something about me being perverted and homosexual before hiding in the bathroom. It  
doesn't take a man with exceptional hearing abilities to identify the sound of the door locking behind him.

--

**Hidan**

I cleaned myself up with the towel that Tobi always uses for his showers. Heh. There are only two things on my mind right now: where Kakuzu threw my stack of clean pants, and if that asshole's still in the room, waiting for me to come back with some gay story about what I was doing in the bathroom.

I can't believe he got me that fucking hard! Usually when I get internal bleeding, it stays in... My fingers were absentmindedly tapping the counter. Don't girls do that? …Bitch.

"Hidan." Then a knock. "Hidan, come out of there right now."

I figured maybe if I was totally silent that he'd go away after a few minutes, but nooo. The piece of crap stays there knocking until I can't stand it anymore. "Go eat a dick Kakuzu!"

Peace. He's quiet and stopped scratching at the door like a fucking animal. About time, seri—

"Screw it. Hidan, don't make me break the damn lock!"

"Fine you fucking ass!" I got up from my seat on the toilet lid and _forcefully_ opened the door. I don't think he was expecting it, 'cuz I sorta smacked him in the face with it. "What the _**FUCK**_ do you want?!"

"Why are you acting so strange? One minute you're writhing on the floor like a goddamned _baby_, and now you think that you can just brush me off like it was nothing? What's your problem Hidan?"

I see. That's what he wanted… "I—uh, I dunno! Jashin! Everything's fuckin' 20 Questions with you. I doubt you – Kakuzu – are even trying to help at all. Whatever I say'll probly end up some scheme to make a quick fucking buck!"

"Ya know what, you're a lost cause. You may be immortal, but there's gonna come a day when you'll be injured beyond my capabilities." He chuckled, "And I'm going to laugh my _ass_ off."

Then he just… left.

--

"Dear Diary, I fucking hate cheap, heathen bastards. They need to die! I swear to Jashin, if I ever meet another fuckin' person like Kakuzu I'll kill everyone. Mwahahaha!! Motherfucking Deidara pisses me off too. Pink nail polish? What the fuck. Piece of fucking shit! Leader's a total ass-munching butt-pirate. Him and Kakuzu both" Hidan closed his book and received a dark glare from his partner, since, Hidan being Hidan, he had read it aloud when finished. It was things like this that _really_ made Kakuzu ponder the few reasons why he managed to tolerate him.

"Dammit, fucking Pain."

"What now Hidan."

"Shithead's tryin' to summon me."

Silence, then a sigh. "Yeah, me too. We should see what he wants; it could be important. Maybe he has some money to give us."

"_Right_... You keep thinkin' that."

They both stood, Kakuzu from a chair and Hidan from his position on the floor. The older man made a quick handsign and the two of them disappeared in a puff of white smoke.

--

"Took you long enough."

"My apologies, Leader-sama; Hidan kept ignoring your summons."

Pain clasped his hands together and leaned forward, "So it would seem. I'm glad that I sent for you as well, Kakuzu. Please; have a seat, both of you."

Hidan took his place farthest away from their leader as possible. He kept sneering and frankly, it was pissing his greedy partner off. _I suppose it's understandable_, Kakuzu thought, _but Hidan was asking for it. Thank you Pain_!!

"Well, I am pleased to inform that you and Hidan have a new mission." Several hushed yes!'s could be heard, "You are to travel to the heart of River Country and meet with a bandit by the name of 'Squid'.--" Hidan giggled, Pain glared at him--"Trade with this man. The item I will give you for one million ryou. The money is yours to keep, just as long as you make sure to bring him the item."

Kakuzu gaped beneath his mask, "You have yourself a deal."

"What?! Jackass, I'm not goin' anywhere 'til I get a formal apology!" Pain smiled at this, seeing it appropriate to 'accidently' drop the _item_ on Hidan's foot. The Jashinist yelled out a string of cusses and violent threats as he pushed the heavy, bagged object off of himself. "WHAT THE FUCK!"

"Be quiet, Hidan," his partner ordered. Grudgingly, Hidan folded his arms over his chest.

"Ah, well, off you go!" Leader yelled, handing off the massive package.

Kakuzu took it in his grip but soon found himself letting go due to the weight. "Hidan, get it!"

"Huh?"

_**CRASH**_. "DAMN IT, HIDAN! You were supposed to catch it, dumbass."

"What did you say, heathen bastard?! I oughta fucking kill you for that!"

"If you two do not silence yourselves **immediately**, the offer will become _null and void_."

All eyes turned to Pain, who looked just about ready to totally kick both of their asses. He wasn't someone that you wanted to piss off, that was for certain. The men looked at each other wearily, save for Pain, and high-tailed it outta there. Kakuzu was so scared for his money that he almost forgot the package in Leader's office.

* * *

**Okay, I know I took much too long to get this up ^^" But I finished a loooong time ago D: I was just creeped out by my own thoughts half way through so I thought everyone would kill me fer posting it xD**

Ahah, already half way through the next chapter. Okay... not quite, but yeah. :D


	3. Chapter 3

**(A/N: So sorry for the wait! A lot of things came up in my life, and I just spent basically the last 6 months homeless. But now I finally have a laptop again! :D)**

* * *

[]

_A dark red puddle had formed under the limp body. Hidan dipped two fingers and rubbed the sticky, congealing liquid between them. "O-negative," he declared with a sick grin. That was his favorite, as it had the best taste. _

_He stood up and nudged the victim's head using his foot. Those familiar magenta eyes, though dead and frozen, seemed to stare back. His own purple orbs felt numb. The dead man's shaggy brown locks were matted and ripped out in some places, and just for a second, the young Jashinist felt a bit of remorse. Kiraki had always spent a great deal of time on his hair._

[]

Hidan tore himself out of the nightmare and sat straight up, drenched in cold sweat. The sky was misty-blue with the departure of twilight. He looked around, taking in the view of the small campsite he and Kakuzu had set up the night before and heaved a sigh of relief.

Kakuzu was curled up into himself on Hidan's left, and the miser looked almost… cute. Not cute enough to keep his partner from disturbing his slumber, though.

"Goddammit, _what _Hidan?!" He snarled after his head was met with Hidan's fist.

"I had a bad dream."

Kakuzu looked at him incredulously. "This is what you woke me up for…?" He cursed and laid back down.

"No Kakuzu, wait! I…" Hidan whispered timidly. "…It was about my brother…"

Silence – then: "Your brother? I didn't think you had one."

The silver-haired man sighed again. "I killed him."

When the sun had fully risen, the two Akatsuki members assembled themselves and continued on their way. Kakuzu lugged the package over his shoulder, while Hidan carried their supplies.

The older man was still a bit peeved about last night's sleep being interrupted, so he didn't say much to the other. Naturally, the silence was killing Hidan. He tried to engage in conversation countless times, but all of his attempts were quickly waved off.

"Come on Kakuzu… talk to me you stupid prick!" The Jashinist wailed for the millionth time. As usual, his partner carried on walking without even acknowledging the fact that Hidan had spoken. He let himself be left behind, hoping that Kakuzu would at least yell at him to 'hurry the fuck up!' To his dismay, the miser merely glanced behind his free shoulder, shrugged, and continued on his way. Hidan plopped himself down in the middle of the dirt path and crossed his arms defiantly, not that his scumbag of a partner would even notice.

"Hidan."

He looked up immediately, grateful for finally being heard. The usual smug look plastered itself back upon his face. "_Yes_?"

In an instant, Kakuzu was standing right before him. "Let's talk about your brother."

"…Why?"

"I can tell its upsetting you, and when you're upset it usually interferes with our mission in one way or another. So explain."

Tears welled in Hidan's eyes; Kira was becoming a sensitive topic lately. "N-No…"

"Hm? What's this now? You said you wanted to talk!" Kakuzu hissed evilly. He could see how this was eating away at the younger man, and it made him feel warm and tingly inside.

Hidan didn't want to talk about _this_. Not now; maybe last night would've been okay, but only because he was scared. The selfish banker had no right to force him into saying things he didn't want to. "I'm not in the mood."

"Just tell me why you killed him, that's all I ask," the masked nin stated calmly.

"I don't wanna talk about it! Fuck!" Hidan yelled, getting to his feet and starting back down the trail.

His partner followed wordlessly behind him.

After three more days of travel, Hidan and Kakuzu had eventually come to a small village buried deep within River Country. This would be where they were to convene with the mysterious 'Squid.'

Most of the houses here were old and broken down, though there were a few decent ones. Hidan was particularly fond of the town graveyard. "Oi, fuckface, you mind if I sacrifice a few here?"

"Do it and your head comes off, Hidan." The Jashinist cursed under his breath and reluctantly followed after the other. As soon as they reached a particularly ugly, run-down building, Kakuzu paused, checking for chakra signals in the area, nearly causing Hidan to run into him. "In here, moron. He's in there," the older man announced, directing a finger toward the old mansion.

The two of them made their way up the creaky porch steps and through the threshold. Inside was almost as terrible as out – cobwebs and a multitude of dust carpeted everything in sight. Kakuzu sighed, trying his best not to inhale too much asbestos. Where was the hookup?

Just as Hidan was about to begin playing a terrible rendition of "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" on the grand piano, a wicked chuckle erupted from atop the staircase. The silver-haired man instantly let out a frightened yelp and tackled Kakuzu to the floor. "GODDAMMIT HIDAN!"

A dark figure descended the stairs and came out into the dim light, revealing that this 'Squid' character was nothing more than a sickly old man. The geezer slowly stumbled downward, using his cane for support, while the Akatsuki just stared dumbly. The Taki-nin issued a belated slap on the back of his partner's head for attacking him and picked up the fallen package.

'Squid' adjusted his glasses. "A-Are you the men they sent with my parcel?"

Hidan glanced at the large box in the miser's arms while Kakuzu spoke: "…Yes, now may we please trade? My partner and I have traveled a long way to get here and we have other matters to attend to." The immortal man knew this to be a lie – Kakuzu was just an impatient bastard.

"Oh, of course! But before I give you fellows the money, would you mind unpacking it for me?" Kakuzu visibly twitched. After a minute's silence, he muttered a quick '_sure_' and used threads from his arm to rip the box open. "Now there should be three items in there…"

Rifling through a sea of packing-peanuts, Kakuzu pulled out the first item. It was an oxygen tank – wow. He felt an amused smile appear under his mask. "Hidan, make yourself useful and take out the rest."

The other man grumbled and cursed before trudging over to the open box. He plopped himself down beside it and dug through to the next thing. Hidan's whole body froze up when his eyes traced across the image of a naked female on the cover of a naughty magazine. "K-K-KAKUZU..!" He fearfully scrambled away from the box and into the nearest corner.

Kakuzu shouted, "Hidan, you fucking idiot, what's the matter with you?" prior to investigating the contents of the parcel for himself. He took one glance at the busty brunette and immediately felt his face flush a brilliant red. "You sick old pervert!" 'Squid' merely chuckled.

Grimacing – aroused blush hidden beneath his mask – Kakuzu uncovered the final object. It was a dusty jar. The Taki-nin squinted, trying to make out the scrawled handwriting. He used his free hand to clean off the label and nearly dropped the container when it became legible. Prunes. Kakuzu was deathly allergic to prunes.

He desperately flung the jar to the hardwood floor, and thankfully, it didn't break. "I thought you two were strong, brave members of Akatsuki!" 'Squid' scoffed.

"Yeah, well…" Kakuzu began, but stopped after realizing that he couldn't really say anything to that after he and his partner had both crawled into fetal-position over nudie-mags and dried fruit.

'Squid' scurried over to the stack of adult magazines and held one up so that the centerfold girl fell down. His eyes bugged out of his skull and he collapsed with a squeak. Hidan crawled out of the corner cautiously, curiosity displayed on his face. Kakuzu, too, was interested to know what the hell had just happened. He motioned for Hidan to go check on the old man, and the immortal reluctantly made his way over to the limp body on the floor.

"He's dead; worthless old fuck…"

"Shut up, Hidan," Kakuzu hissed, taking the slightest of offenses to that comment. He then waltzed over and proceeded to pocket-check the guy. 100 ryou - that's it? "Put everything back in the box, maybe we can sell it… I'm going to have a _very_ stern talk with Leader when we get back."

* * *

**(Expect more soon! Honestly! xp)**


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